OVERHEARD

a sign on the U of O campus:

2008-02-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

Play it safe!
Don't get VD on VD.

Amanda @ Lita's party Friday night

2008-01-28T21:30:00.001-08:00

"When I think about puking, not pooping, but puking. . . . "

Friday, 12/7/07, Eugene, OR

2007-12-08T23:22:00.000-08:00

The following was said to me, in all seriousness, by a 2 1/2 year old boy: I'm gonna go make a mess over there.

Whitman Campus - Science Building

2007-10-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

"I'm going to go take a nap to get an idea of what to write on my paper."

from a mentally retarded woman on the bus a few weeks ago. . . .

2007-10-15T13:45:00.000-07:00

"Cats wiggle. They're like kids, they don't stay still."

2007-08-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

Friday August 17th, 2007

A little girl at the zoo, singing: "I love primates! I love primates!" and so on.

Whitman Campus

2007-01-29T10:41:00.000-08:00

Girl: (to guy in small sweatshirt) That sweatshirt looks a little small David.

David: That's EXACTLY what Si said -- "That sweatshirt looks a little big."

Jr. High Halloween Dance 1

2006-10-30T09:58:00.000-08:00

Girl to Boy: I told you if you touch that vampire one more time, we're THROUGH!

Jr. High Halloween Dance 2

2006-10-30T09:56:00.000-08:00

Girl to Boy 1: How long do you think a person can cry before they just shrivel up inside!?

Boy 1 to Girl: *sigh* Where's Shannon?

Boy 2: You wouldn't shrivel up, probably just pass out.

Overheard at Verve

2006-09-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

"Yep. That feeling wasn't guilt. It was dehydration."

Santa Cruz 6.24.2006

2006-06-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

Woman in bathroom stall:

"Hey Rachel, there is a dead lizard in here! I'm going to take it and give it to the boys."

Tabor Heights Church, 7:30am

2006-06-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

"Hey, Ethan, will you please stop giving Carter CPR?"

In an elevator

2006-04-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

"I went up the BICC today and got me this juicy pastry? With apple pieces? Fresh today? A dollar and a quarter!"

bus eight, headed to the hill

2006-03-22T07:54:00.000-08:00

"Hire the handicapped. They're not real productive but they're fun to watch."

School of Nursing Stairwell

2006-02-09T14:42:00.000-08:00

Three nursing students were discussing the stress they felt regarding their upcoming tests. The two girls told the guy it wasn't too much to worry about. The guy replied:
You guys have to understand, I'm not normal. Okay? I'm on medications.

2.3.06 in alcove of Doug Fir Lounge

2006-02-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

As two 40+ year old women were on their way in and looking very bewildered as to the nature of this bar, a 35+ year old woman, on her way outside, notices the look on the faces of the other women and says:

"I KNOW!! I feel old and I'm young!!!"

31st and Hawthorne

2006-01-24T13:23:00.000-08:00

A couple was walking past the hostel on Hawthorne as I walked past in the opposite direction.

Woman: What's that place?
Boyfriend: It's a hotel.
Woman: Then, why does it say Hoe - stel?

Hemenway's House - Walla Walla

2006-01-24T11:11:00.000-08:00

Amelia (9) storms into the house: "I am disgust!!"

Slams notebook onto the table "I AM DISGUST!"

Starbucks Walla Walla

2006-01-16T14:28:00.000-08:00

Overheard by Micah whilst I was listening to my headphones:

Older Caucasian female to man: “It’s ice cube and iced tea… Ice cube is the one I like; iced tea is a horrible rapper. I get all my ices mixed up.”

On the bus

2006-01-11T09:02:00.000-08:00

A man and woman discussing the problematic cougar population in La Grande:

Man: If they don't lift the ban on hunting big dogs and cats, kids are going to start gettin' ate.

Woman: Yup.

Man: Yup.

At The Home Depot

2006-01-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

A couple with a young daughter brings their items to the check stand and place them on the counter after taking one item from the daughters hand. The girl starts screaming and the man turns to the woman and says: "That girl sure loves her dimmer switches." The woman replies, "She sure does."

from my former co-worker Nick

2006-01-04T10:18:00.000-08:00

I ate lunch alone at the mall, and overheard a fantastic conversation that entailed a southern guy about 30 years old with a chevy hat saying "You take care of me, I will take care of you...but if you fucking cross me, you will end up in the hospital"...he proceeded to say that he was completely blind and deaf in one ear but it don't matter none, cuz if you cross him you will end up in the hospital...all the while his gal pal is agreeing with a slow drawn out "yup, he ain't lyin"

In the stairway

2005-12-21T09:21:00.000-08:00

Man 1: mummble mummble Sheep in a pond.

Long pause

Man 2: Sheep in a pond?

On the bus

2005-12-16T07:49:00.000-08:00

Man 1: Those look like pretty good headphones.
Man 2: Yeah, they're pretty good.
Man 1: Yeah. Pretty good.
Man 2: Yeah, they're pretty loud.
Man 1: They're pretty big.
Man 2: Yeah..... they're pretty big.

OHSU

2005-12-14T14:40:00.000-08:00

Lady #1: But how can you tell a narcoleptic cat from a regular one?
Lady #2: Oh...well...they just fall over.

#8 Bus, heading downtown

2005-12-12T18:12:00.000-08:00

One man talking to friend, in a very serious tone: "I was talking to him and he said that all he really wanted was a snuggle bunny. And I asked him what he meant by snuggle bunny and he explained it to me in really general terms. And I was, like, 'I don't want to know what it means in general. I want to know what it means to you', but I didn't actually say that."

OHSU hallway

2005-12-09T07:50:00.000-08:00

Short, gray haired woman walking behing a tall man:

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for all that you have to go through. I am so sorry."

Tall man: "hrmf. Comes with the territory."

Ping pong table in ASB office

2005-11-14T12:12:00.000-08:00

Guy playing ping pong: (in most ghetto voice) "Don’t be a menace in south central while drinking juice in the hood!"

OHSU hallway

2005-10-13T09:49:00.000-07:00

Two OHSU transportation aides are walking down the hall. Girl is telling boy a story about a mutual acquaintance at OHSU and boy doesn't think he knows the person she's talking about.

Girl: "She runs the desk with Angela and the other Indian chick."

Boy: "Oh... ... Oh, the one with all the moles?"

Also Plaid Pantry

2005-10-05T10:06:00.000-07:00

Store employee: Meow. Meow meow meow.

Meow.

Plaid Pantry, 30th & Belmont, 1:30AM

2005-10-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

Girl in glasses talking to man behind counter (wearing a Wipers t-shirt and prominent sideburns)

man: The other idea I had was for a store that sold nothing but grape candy and I'd call it: Flavor Purple.
girl: That's great. You know, grape is such an underrated flavor. Watermelon's a really underrated flavor too. Cherry and strawberry always get the limelight. (giggle giggle giggle)

Mac Hall Cafe

2005-08-31T13:11:00.000-07:00

Woman to her co-worker:

My cat is SO fat! I mean, she's SO fat. My cat is SO fat! You can, like, GRAB it's stomach. It's STOMACH! She's SO FAT! Her STOMACH touches the GROUND! She's so FAT! My cat is SO fat.

OHSU Campus

2005-08-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

Two ladies chatting outside our building:

Lady #1: "And it's true that cats are really *odd* creatures...maybe aliens."
Lady #2: bursts into peals of laughter

OHSU Bathroom

2005-08-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

Two professionally dressed women in those hideous pointy shoes putting on make-up in the bathroom:

Woman 1: What is this?
woman 2: It's a secret garbage hole. If I ever get into the drug business, it's where I'm going to hide my goods after I get payment. So, if you ever buy anything from me, you know where to find it.

Library in Walla Walla again

2005-08-15T08:08:00.000-07:00

Woman to friend: "I told her I would come, but I'm not sure. It's so emotionally exhausting! And physically too, you just sit around a lot."

A library in Walla Walla

2005-08-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

So this guy walks up to the library desk where I'm at. I'd say he was from Brazil. He looked Brazilian, he had light brown skin, dark hair and looked like he could play some great soccer.

He said (in his Brazilian accent) "The printer needs more cheese."

I was very confused. I said, "The printer...?" And he said, "It needs more sheets."

Oh. I then filled the printer paper.

Bus 15

2005-08-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

"But do you really think that pot is cheaper than cigarettes? Man. Where do you get your pot?"

10:35AM, on phone with customer

2005-07-07T10:37:00.000-07:00

(after an overly lengthy explanation about the fact that the name on his account is wrong) "I don't even use my middle name. I keep getting these things addressed to P** R** but I don't even know who that is."

Me: "So what is the correct last name?"

Him: "(unintelligible). I mean, I don't understand. The other place..." etc.

Me: "I'm sorry could you spell that again for me?"

Him: "Evil, Evil, Hell, Nasty!"

OHSU hallway

2005-06-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

employee: you go to that carpet there, see that carpet?
lost patient: yes
employee: go to the carpet and go to your left, the entrance is right there
lost patient: to my right?
employee: left
lost patient: okay, to my right

phone call, 11:30AM

2005-06-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

after asking many obtuse questions about opening an account at the credit union where I work:

"You know...it's just everybody has their game, you know? I mean, I have accounts at like 20 or 30 different places and everybody's playing games, right? I mean, my son went to Best Buy the other day and said they had a fridge with a TV in it! What are you gonna do, stand in front of the fridge and watch TV?!? I mean, why can't a fridge just be a fridge? Not like there's anything to watch on TV anyway, right? I mean, America's getting fat enough as it is, why don't you encourage them to go outside? Anyway, you've been really helpful...."

OHSU Campus

2005-06-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

One of the female, albino twins that works up here:

"Those birds chirping sound like a bunch of miniature dogs barking!"

#15 going East

2005-06-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

One young-ish guy with novelty trucker-style hat to a second young-ish guy in a novelty trucker-style hat:

"It's always great to meet another warrior of the stencil arts"

downtown sidewalk

2005-06-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

Man to his wife: No self-respecting shopper would ever shop at Marshalls.

at work

2005-05-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

Following a transaction where the member received $50 back in small bills:

"Well, he's got some crack whore living with him right now. This is so he can give her a dollar and put her on the bus and get her out of his hair for a while. Can't have any twenties around the house or else...."

at lunch

2005-05-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

"It was right, as my sweety would say, ooky spooky"

on the phone at work

2005-05-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

While talking to a woman on the phone at work, another line rang, causing her to turn not far enough away from the receiver and say, "Crap, the damn phone!"

Hallway at OHSU

2005-05-03T08:54:00.000-07:00

Co-worker to co-worker:

I heard that you had black clouds over your head!

WWCC walking away from Geography class

2005-04-27T16:57:00.000-07:00

Guy to his friends:

"I measured it out and put in 1.5. Then I re-read the instructions and found out that you're only supposed to put in .15! Now, I gotta go take it in and see if it's toxic or not.
I drank a little, and my kidneys aren't feeling so well today. But I don't want to kill my friends! It's not so good that someone should have to die over it!"

Bonfire Restaurant, around 9:30pm

2005-04-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

Short, fat loud young woman who spent most of the night talking about reality TV at the table adjacent to ours:

"You know what the weirdest thing about having a monkey jump on your back is? It's just like a cat jumping on your back but without the claws...."

"Because they don't have claws so they're like little hands!"

#8 Going to OHSU

2005-04-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

Vegan woman from Atlanta, Georgia, referring to OHSU and the hill it sits on.

"I just do not understand why they went and put a hospital up on this mountain!"

"Even so, it sure is purty up on this mountain."

"I was walking through that big glass thing to get to the other side of the mountain, and it sure did give me a fright, looking down all that ways? It sure is purty though, looking down off this mountain over this beautiful city."

"I can't wait until my son gets out here, he hasn't ever seen any real mountains."

Downtown bus stop 5:25pm

2005-04-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

Very pale white girl speaking as if she were raised by black parents to two black guys who were giving her a really hard time (she was speaking while she was walking away):

"Aiight, you make your money then!!"

"Pimp!"

"PIMP!!!"

# 8 toward OHSU

2005-04-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

Gravelly man that smelled like 30 years of cigarette smoke:

"I'm not Catholic or anything, I just like to learn about different religions. Not that I want to be a priest or anything. I don't want to lose license to.... you know what I mean. Heh heh heh heh.

heh. heh heh heh heh."

Ugh.

#8 Away from OHSU

2005-04-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

Woman on her cell phone:

He asked me to go out with him and some friends, and at first I said yes, but I had to back out.

Well, I know. No, I know.

He asked me to go to a Mariners game.

That's the not the problem, the problem is I didn't know we would have to go to Seattle to see them.

On a break from class

2005-04-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

Tattooed young man who earlier had said the film Wings of Desire was a "trip" (on his cell phone): "Dude, didn't I tell you the story about the hot stripper girl I met at the strip club who went snowboarding with me? I didn't?!? Okay...so I'm at the strip club...."

At work

2005-04-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

"You're witnessing the demise of our country, ladies."

#15 bus heading downtown 4.2.04

2005-04-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

My name's Anthony, but my street's name's Taco. OG Taco.

the Bonfire

2005-03-31T10:17:00.000-08:00

"I'm not trying to write an essay on how hot it is! It's just hot!"

American Family History Class

2005-03-31T10:16:00.000-08:00

"As students, we are responsible to be ettiquette."

Cricket Cafe

2005-03-28T13:04:00.000-08:00

Guy to his girlfriend: You don't like peanut butter? What kind of American are you? What, are you some kind of sous chef for Al Qaeda training camps on the weekends?

Hallway at work

2005-03-24T11:46:00.000-08:00

Adult woman singing

"Dina won't you blow, Dina won't you blow"

7th grade speech competition

2005-03-22T15:44:00.000-08:00

7th grade boy (after getting into the finals of the competition he didn't want to do in the first place): "Mom, if they make me say my speech again... I'll puke in my shoes! And then... I'll have to finish Jr. High online!"

Mother: I don't think they offer Jr. High courses online.

7th grader: Then I'm going to end up on the streets!

Academic Ed. office (you know)

2005-03-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

Office clerk (irritated on phone): "She knows everything that I know, you know. Sandy knows everything that I know, you know! That every night, I fall over at seven o'clock!"

Bus #15 - Headed Downtown

2005-03-18T09:42:00.000-08:00

Scruffy looking man: You can't digest normally for a whole year. They take it all out, put in the surgery pan and sift through it like spaghetti, looking for bullet casings. You're guts just aint right after that.

Goodwill, NE Broadway, 1:43 PM

2005-03-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

Mother to child: "Don't put that in your mouth!"

Elevator, going up

2005-03-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

One woman speaking to and answering for a man.

oh that’s cute! (referring to a keychain) I guess you couldn’t lose those now. Well, (ha ha) you could, but that’s the idea anyway. Oh! What you are eating? Oh those are good, those are dangerous wicked. (referring to a Starbucks cinnamon twist)

Doernbecher Starbucks

2005-03-15T09:59:00.000-08:00

Two frightful coffee orders:
tall, 6-pump vanilla, breve latte
grande, extra hot, heavy whipping cream, extra dry cappuccino

In an elevator, going down

2005-03-14T12:34:00.000-08:00

"I've got to get comfortable with hips. Dr. Gieser does all his own hips.

In an elevator, going up

2005-03-14T12:30:00.000-08:00

Man 1: That's a lot of walking
Man 2: I know, but when the button [pause] when the stomach pops the button for you...
Man 1: You still got a ways to go. Me I got like, 50 more pounds I want to take off.

While getting ready for the drag show:

2005-03-13T01:27:00.000-08:00

Pat, an R.A. said: "Jaime! I'm going to pop your boob!"

Email Conversation

2005-03-10T11:40:00.000-08:00

Email 1
"Heather —
In reviewing the font used for the Consult protocols, I notice a comic font theme which is difficult to read. I am wondering if you would be willing to use a standard font.

Please advise.

Thank you."

Email 2
"I routinely use this font, because most people find it to be less severe and more desirable. Is there a font you would suggest? I don't know what you prefer when you state "standard" font - given that the system provides many options and what might be standard for one, is not standard for another...

Are you asking that I change my preferred font for all of my e-mail messages or in documents I am developing? Does it really matter? You are the first person to ever raise this question in all of years I have used this font style. I am a little concerned that with all of the issues that need to be addressed, that you have taken the time to raise this one.

Is there an institution standard that I have violated? When it comes to formal policy submission I will determine what is required and then submit the documents per this requirement. Or, if my colleagues on the Executive Committee or the Ethics Service prefer a different style, then I will survey them and modify these documents as may be indicated.

Thanks for your feedback, I will take it under advisement."

Work

2005-03-08T16:58:00.000-08:00

Boss: Well, if you look at the last two years, Miles, you're getting younger.
Miles: I don't know about that, but...
Boss: It's true, Miles, you're YOUTH-enizing!

#15 bus headed downtown 8:42AM

2005-03-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

Bus Driver: "You'd better hold on sir. I don't want you to fall over."
Man with cigarette butt held in a hand that had one finger bandaged with duct tape: "Thanks for that. I wasn't ready for that and would have been like tumbling dice."
His friend sitting on bench at front of bus with vaguely Hispanic accent: "Hey, man, that's like the Rolling Stones."
Duct tape man: "I know! That's why I said it."
Hispanic-ish friend (singing): "Call me the tumbling dice... [imitating guitar sounds] braow, braow, braow...."

Later

Hispanic-ish man: "...like cargo pants, that look all beat up. $60!! Just cause they're Abacrombies or something. They look like pants you wore in Iraq for like two years!!"
[duct tape man holds up a pair of these pants]
Duct tape man: "These are gonna be good work pants. I'm starting to dress like some hip youngster. More like hip-hop or something."
Hispanic-ish man: "Yeah, I can see you... You got any moves down?"
Duct tape man: "Huh? Down moves?"
Hispanic-ish man: "Naw, you got any dance moves down? Can you do any raps too? Can your rhyme?"
Duct tape man: [indecipherable]
Hispanic-ish man at this point starts doing a half-assed beat box that sounds vaguely like the opening to RUN-DMC's version of "Walk This Way"
Duct tape man: "Yeah, there was some guy who used to do that all the time down there. Used to be like [starts trying to make sounds like the Human Beatbox but mostly sounds like he's wheezing].
Hispanic-ish man: "Yeah, you see those guys in commercials all the time."

An email I recieved that should have gone to Van Ray Chandler

2005-03-07T10:25:00.000-08:00

Hi Van, Greetings from Paris.

We hope all is well at home. We simply cannot believe the weather you all are experiencing in Portland. Our son Steve tells us that the mountain has little snow on it, compared to what is normal for this time of year. I'm sure when we get home, we'll have water rationing.
We are hoping that you enjoy our home, and that the "Mama" cactus is behaving herself. We know from Bev that you were home for your month end trip. Hope every thing is well there.

We are really enjoying our new "home", even though the language is difficult, because we had hoped to pick some up in our daily living, but our Church is mostly English speaking, so we don't get the practice.

We have learned our neighborhood, which is quite interesting when you realize that everything is a specialty shop. The bakery, The fabulous cheese shop, Fruit and vegetable stands, the butcher shop, fresh flowers, think of tulips in every color, and 5 Euros for a bunch of ten. So, every now and then, I splurge and buy TULIPS, good for ME.

We've had several visitors already, and more to come. Of course we have visited several of the well known sites, but what we enjoy just as much, is all the wonderful architecture everywhere you look, and all those grand rod iron balconies and window enclosures.

Charlie's " business" is going strong, currently he has 43 scheduled weddings on his calendar, and no doubt more to come.
We hope to take a short trip to Provence in may, if it works out.
This coming Saturday I am going to Germany to meet my brother, who lives in Spain, and we are visiting our sweet Mom, even though she wont be able to speak to us, or give us any sign that she knows us.It will be very hard to see her like that.

OOPs, its time to feed my man, it's almost seven O'clock, although that's early for french dining.

Stay well, take good care of yourself, and let us hear from you.
Ps If you talk to Bev, give her our love, and keep some for yourself.

Edda & Charlie

Also a big hug to Katie, hope she is feeling well, and say hi to Sarah too.

Sandy Hut, 12:38 PM

2005-03-03T17:02:00.000-08:00

a rather unsavory looking gent playing pool with his friend: "Like, you remember when I was buying all that dope, right? I'd get three bags at a time and they're'd be like 3/4 of one bag for me and the other two for her!! I was buying like six bags a day."

Tuesday Evening

2005-03-02T12:42:00.000-08:00

While walking back to my dorm, I passed a girl on a cell phone who said, "I just like walked really fast."

MAX headed south, 10:44AM

2005-03-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

greying ex-hippie with ponytail and many missing teeth: "Dark Side of the Moon is when they went commercial man. Hell, I've been into Floyd since '68 back before anyone fucking heard of 'em."

Latin class, PSU, 8:50AM

2005-03-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

young man with little ears and big neck: "I got a new rifle and I was just showing her how big the shell casings were."

Bus #8 - from downtown to OHSU

2005-03-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

The Scenario: I get on a crowded bus. Man 2 is sitting in an aisle seat with a rolling back pack next to him, as he does every day. Man 1 is directly behind him, Lady is next to Man 1, directly behind Man 2’s backpack.

Man 1: There’s a seat right here, this guy can hold that (meaning the back pack) on his lap
Bystander: Oh, I’m fine
Man 1: Why don’t you put that on your lap and give one of these ladies a seat?
Man 2: I can’t –
Man 1: Why don’t you just shut up? I bet when you get to where you’re going you are quiet all day, but on the bus... we’re all... prisoners to your, uh.... idiocy
Man 2: Just keep going, you’ll figure it out
Man 1: Why don’t you shut your mouth and put that on you lap. Give one of these ladies a seat!
Man 2: It’s too heavy, I –
Man 1: Then put in on yer head!
Man 2: You put it in your mouth!
Man 1: Drop it, let’s just drop it. Move that thing and give one of these ladies a seat
Man 2: You just said you were going to drop it!
Man 1: I would if you would give one of these ladies a fucking seat.
Lady: Excuse me! I don’t appreciate that kind of language. I’m a lady, and I don’t want to hear it.
Man 1: You’re a lady, I’m a man, let’s just drop it.
Man 2: So ANYAWAY, let’s get back to what we were talking about.
Man 1: Hmph!

Man 1 pushes Lady with an elbow
Lady: Excuse me! Why are you pushing me?
Man 1: I’m just trying to get on this seat here. I just need to sit on the seat, and you... I’m just trying to hold on the bar here.
Lady: Well you don’t have to push me.
Man 1: If you haven’t noticed, you’re rather large and I –
Lady: Excuse me!!!
Man 1: Well you are rather large and I’m just –
Lady: You don’t have to go announcing it!
Man 2: Why don’t you shut up and leave us alone.
Man 1: You shut up!
Bystander: Why don’t you try acting like adults!
Man 2: I’m trying

VA Bus Stop, Man 1, Man 2 and Lady are getting off here. Lady stands up and body checks man 1 into the aisle

Man 1: What are!
Lady: You were pushing me! You don’t go pushing me!

Lady, Man 1, and Man 2 part ways without further incident. Passengers on bus immediately begin discussing the exchange.

main hallway, Multnomah Pavilion, OHSU

2005-03-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

The end of conversation between a doctor and a nurse:

nurse: It's a precious time, it goes so quickly!
doctor: I KNOW!!! It's been, like, ten years and it feels like only a week!
nurse: It's like only yesterday...

(I can't believe people actually speak like that)